Two thieves in a pod
by 20 pounds of crazy
Summary: The Leverage team is found working the same case as Neal and Peter! Neal and Parker know each other from way back. Will they all get along? Mostly Parker and Neal.
1. Chapter 1

It was pretty much a normal day at the offices. Everyone was doing their own thing, getting ready for the next con. According to Hardison, the target was a chain of corrupt businesses that are allegedly accused of money laundering as well. Sophie's job would be to convince the CEO's to take a deal that was far too good to be true. Hardison would record everything they say, find discrepancies in their reports, and make a free path to their vaults, which Parker would break in to. Eliot was, of course, the backup and Nate, of course, was doing nothing.

"Dammit, Hardison!" Eliot exclaimed, holding up a pocket protector. "Is this a joke to you? It's not funny! I don't DO pocket protectors! Why do I have to be a nerd, anyway? I'm BACKUP."

"Dude, chill out," Hardison replied coolly. "There's an empty spot in tech support and they hired in a substitute, which is you. I figured you had no problem being the computer guy and flirting with cute girls, but hey I'll gladly take your spot." He still thought of their first job together, where Eliot confessed he dressed up as a clignon on weekends to an attractive girl who accepted it. The thought made Hardison cringe.

"No, you need to actually _be _the computer guy. How many times have I told you this?" Nate replied sassily.

"Hm… Someone's having a bad hangover" Parker said, to which all four members looked at her eyes wide. "What?"

Sophie cleared her voice. "Parker, you can't just blurt that out! Didn't I teach you anything?"

"I'm not hung-over! You all just stress me out. You never leave, the whole kitchen is full of vegetables" he shot a glance at Eliot "and cereal" and then at Parker. "My closet and bathroom is full of girly clothes and perfumes and makeup, and there's a huge hole in the wall! Plus, hundreds of computers and monitors and crap! And don't even get me started on all the-"

His rant was interrupted by a phone ringing. Everyone checked to see whose it was and Parker realized it was hers. She looked at the caller ID and her face lit up. "Parker" she chimed. "Of course I do! When? Where are you now? I'm in Boston!" to which Nate sighed. She was obviously talking to a criminal friend and she just blurted out where they all are. "Sure, I can't wait! BYE!"

Everyone was curious, but no one knew where to start. "So…" Hardison said trying to act cool. "Who was that?"

"Boyfriend?" Eliot joked. He loved the look on Hardison's face more than he should.

"No," is all Parker said, oblivious to the stares around her. "Is today national stare at Parker day or something? What?"

"Parker, who were you on the phone with? You normally don't get calls unless they're from us" Sophie said.

She pouted for a minute, using her thinking face. "He's… Well, he's a friend."

"Does he have a name?" Nate asked.

"Yes."

Sigh. "What?"

"Oh. Neal Caffrey."


	2. Chapter 2

Neal was at the offices with Peter, working on a way to take down local businesses. The FBI was getting reports of money laundering but didn't have enough to convict on. If they could get in the building, the safes would have detailed records of their entire history.

"Listen, even if we get in the building, those vaults are sealed," Neal said. "I can't do it alone. I would need… help. And Mozzie isn't who I was thinking."

"Well, call on another thief friend. We could look the other way," Jones suggested. Peter sighed. This look the other way business was getting old; all these thieves were coming and going as they pleased!

Neal laughed. "You don't even have to look the other way. This person's the best- uncatchable. Even for you, Peter."

"Well I caught you, didn't I?" 

"This person's better than me."

"When do we get to meet this guy?"

"I would have to make a quick call. SHE isn't local" Neal corrected. He dialed his phone and started talking. "Hey, Parker! It's been a long time. Would you want to help me with a… case?" Peter chuckled. "Right now, if you're free. In New York. Oh, I hear Boston's lovely this time of year." Neal internally slapped himself; he just let slip the thief's position to a load of FBI agents. "Thanks so much, see you soon."

"So you're calling girls on a last name basis? That's- what was the word- lovely" Peter joked.

"Nope that's her name. It's just Parker. You seriously haven't heard of her? The Mona Lisa scam on those Michelangelo's a few years back? The Hope diamond, gem of Gibraltar, Damiani raid? I told you, she's the best."

Peter was dumbfounded. "She did all of that, by herself? Damn, she is good. How do you know her?"

"Foster care," Neal said. His attitude changed and Peter realized it; he didn't like talking about his past. "We both knew stuff and helped each other out with everything, so we stayed in touch ever since. Just be nice, and if it makes you feel any better she's a lot like me now" He smiled irresistibly.

"Oh, that makes me feel so much better. Another forger?"

"No- she's just a thief. Cars, jewelry, you name it. But she's working with Nathan Ford now- they're on the good side."

"Nathan Ford?" The name was mentioned a lot in the FBI world. His team was impressive, yet hidden by some computer genius better than them. "The team that breaks thousands of felonies whenever they please?"

"Well, they do it for good." Neal defended.

This was going to be lovely, though Burke.


	3. Chapter 3

Parker grabbed her bag from her office. It was already packed; it was her backup plan in case things at Leverage Consulting didn't go too well. "OK, well you don't need me until later in the week, so I guess I'll see you all later" she said.

"Whoa, whoa. Where are you going?" Hardison asked. He obviously didn't want her to leave- he had a bunch of things planned that they could do while waiting for the others to do their part of the con.

"I told you I'm visiting Neal. He needs my 'areas of expertise' on something" she quoted Neal.

"Cars, paintings, diamonds, or psychopaths?" Eliot asked. He was serious.

"I've never stolen a psy- psychopath before" she replied.

"Do you even know what that is?" Nate said, pissed that she was leaving in the middle of a con.

"The doctors said my fourth foster dad was one" is all she said. The room was silent. "What?"

"Uh, nothing," Sophie reassured her. "Have fun. Tell him Caroline says hello." Nate shot her a glance. "What? We met at the Zanzibar Marketplace in… Kiev, I think. It was the hat," she explained, as if that made everything clear. It didn't.

Three hours later Parker arrived at Neal's "house". Maddie let her inside, saying Neal was expecting someone.

She found Neal at a table looking over piles and piles of blueprints. She jumped at him and hugged him tightly. "Hey, Parker! I've missed you" he said, smiling. "How are things going with your crew?"

"Great! We just got a new case, but I'm not needed until later so I decided to come up early."

"I expected you a lot later. Traffic at this hour is crazy. Shouldn't it have taken longer than 3 hours?"

"I drove." That explained it. Neal laughed. "You always _were _the best- well, fastest- driver. Oh and Parker? I need to tell you something. You know about Kate and how I broke out early to find her, but you don't know that I let the feds catch me and we have an understanding of sorts."

"What do you mean by an understanding?"

"Well, see this anklet? It's a tracking monitor. I work for them and help catch bad guys. It's kind of like what you do except you don't have to deal with annoying feds all day."

He hoped that she would take this news a lot better than Alex had, and he was right. "Cool! So you're not mad at what I do?"

"Of course not! We're making the world a better place," he joked. "Or at least that's what we tell ourselves. Truth is, I got bored of the same old stealing and forgeries."

"Me too!" she exclaimed. "When Nate was gone for a while, I stole the Hope diamond and put it back. It just wasn't the same. I was so bored."

Neal laughed- that was exactly what Parker would do. "I've missed you!"

Just then there was a knock at the door. It was Peter. When he saw the thief he got a surprised look on his face. "Hello, I'm Agent Burke. I'm sure Neal has told you all about me."

"I was about to until you ruined the party" Neal said. "Parker this is Peter, Peter this is Parker. Your names sound a lot alike." Parker smiled. "Oh I almost forgot! I stocked the kitchen with your favorites," he continued. "Cereal, milk, fortune cookies, the works".

Peter was staring at Parker and when she realized it she stared back. She only broke her glare when Neal offered to give her a tour. "Where will Bunny and I be sleeping?" she asked.

Neal smiled again. "You can take my bed; I'll sleep in the spare across the way."

_Bunny? _Peter thought. _Either Bunny is code for something- or someone- or this girl is seriously messed up._

"So, Parker," Peter began. "I hear you're working with Nate Ford?"

"Yeah. You can't arrest me for that. He can't right?" she checked with Neal.

"No," he said. "You have a get out of jail free card, actually. He can't arrest you for anything."

"While you are helping us, that is," Peter corrected. "After that, you're fair game."

"What game?" Parker asked. She was obviously a little off, Peter thought.

"Never mind. Well, Peter, did you need anything?"

"Oh no, I was just stopping by," he said. "I'll see you both bright and early at the offices, I guess."


	4. Chapter 4

At 8:00 AM sharp, Parker and Neal walked through the doors of the offices. Peter noticed they stopped for coffee and secretly threw away the one he bought for Neal. The usuals were in their meeting room, beginning to discuss the latest case.

"Everyone, this is Parker. Parker, this is everyone," Neal said. Short, sweet, and to the point. "I'm guessing I will be spending most of my time as the common ground between you all?"

"You guessed correctly." Peter replied. "Take a seat, you two."

They chose to sit as far back as they could, Neal writing random letters in different fonts on a piece of paper and Parker trying to copy them. Peter didn't know whether to laugh or scowl. "Well, thanks to Neal's friend we can get the information we need. Luckily all of his friends have apparently joined the good side."

"Damn right. Just tell us what we need to know" Neal said.

"Fine. Everyone knows what case we're on, except for Parker so let me fill her in. Smithson Economics is a chain of multimillion dollar businesses in the area. They've been taking millions of dollars from their clients a year. We know they have found a way to get rid of this dirty money but we need to prove it. All of a sudden our sources are telling us that a European woman is in the picture now. If we can find out who she is, maybe we can get more on the CEO's."

As he was talking, Parker thought _hey this sounds really familiar. _

"Hey! This is the case we're working on!" she exclaimed rather loudly. Everyone turned to look at her. "I'm a good guy, remember? Our team is planning on taking them down this week, too. That's Sophie" she said, pointing at the woman on the screen.

"Tell your 'team' to back off," said some dark haired lady Parker didn't recognize.

"Well, I can get you into the vaults, just give me some prep time and tell me about the security system," Parker said, oblivious of the woman's comment.

Peter continued. "Anyways, the security system is unidentified. We can't tell which it is yet. Here are some pictures of it. Also, from what we can tell-"

"It's the latest security system from China" Parker interrupted, looking at the pictures. "It's unnamed and said to be unbeatable. I've been dying to try one of these babies!"

Peter just looked at her. She was definitely not all there.

"I'll need a week of prep, minimum."

"You have three days."

"Done."

Later that evening Parker called Hardison to tell him what was going on. She could tell they weren't happy, but accepted it. Eliot said he wanted time off anyway and Sophie was having a hard time convincing them to take their "deal". It was all up to Neal and Parker.

This was going to be a fun week!

**(A/N: I completely forgot to put one at the beginning of the story! Oops. Just in case people think otherwise, I unfortunately do not own Leverage or White Collar and I'm not making any money from this. It's purely entertainment for a boring summer. I'm open to suggestions and reviews, so please review! Thanks for reading)**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Thanks everyone for reviewing! If anyone has suggestions or comments, please let me know! I'm really surprised-and flattered- that so many people like this story! And I completely forgot to mention who Maddie is… She's unimportant but just to clarify, she's June's assistant that I made up. I doubt I'll mention her again, but I just had to clarify. **

Neal and Parker immediately began immersing themselves into the new security system. They claimed it was all to help the FBI, but they were secretly curious as to how this new system was donned 'unbeatable'.

Neal and Mozzie had just set up a large pad of paper on an easel and Parker was drawing the building's schematics when Peter knocked on the door. Neal sighed and said how annoying his random visits were becoming. Mozzie said some vague comment about the feds being shadowy like that.

"So, I see you kids are hard at work," Peter commented. He looked at the drawings. "The FBI didn't give you any copies of the security system, where did you get that?"

"Parker drew it. She's quite good," said Mozzie, who was very impressed by Parker's work around the globe. Peter knew that if Mozzie accepted her this fast, she must be trouble.

"So we've found a way to get inside," said Neal "but there's good news and bad news. Which first?"

Peter sighed. "Of course there is. Um, surprise me."

"The good news is there's a weak spot in the system. It's a very small weak spot, but we caught it and will probably be able to use it to our advantage" he continued. "The bad news is that we've had to consult another… acquaintance to find said weak spot. And we need his help to get in."

"You've consulted another thief? Without asking the Bureau?" Peter asked.

"Don't worry," said Parker. "He's good now, too."

"That's what they all say."

"Who are they? And why are they all saying that?" Parker looked confused.

"Never mind."

"Look, Peter," said Neal. "He's the best and according to Parker he's also a good guy now. He's hacked the CIA, White House, and even FBI before so I think he can pull this off."

"He did _what_?"

"Crap, I probably shouldn't have said that" said Neal, who winced. "I can't help it anymore! You feds turned me into a softie."

"I told you, Neal!" said Mozzie. "But of course no one wants to listen to the crazy conspiracy theorist. The feds corrupted you and believe it or not-"

"Enough, Mozzie." Peter said. "I'll see what I can do, but I'm not promising anything."

"Well if he can't then we can't. Oh and he needs to use your van. There was a tragic Slushee incident involving his," said Neal, smiling. "Hopefully that's not too much of a problem considering how much you love us ex-thieves."

"Are you secretly out to get me or something?" Peter asked.

"I believe that's the FBI's job," Mozzie said. Parker nodded her head in agreement.

"OK well I should probably test this equipment. It's brand new!" Parker said. "This roof-balcony thing will do nicely. Would anyone like to join me?"

Peter noticed the harness and rope for the first time. "You're going to jump off the roof with an untested harness?"

Parker nodded in a how-do-you-not-get-that sort of way. "How else would I test it?"

"You have a point," Neal said. "So, Peter, I'm a little confused as to why you keep coming over here, especially when I have guests. You do trust us, don't you?"

Luckily Neal got distracted by Parker screaming as she dove head-first off the balcony. "What is _wrong _with her?" Peter couldn't help but ask. Neal just laughed- it had been ages since him and Parker were doing this sort of thing and he really missed it!

"Well, if I were you I'd get some rest," Neal said. "Tomorrow we're meeting Hardison which will be interesting. This guy's a legend!"

"I'll take that as my cue to go," Peter responded. "This guy better not be crazy- Mozzie and Parker are enough. And you owe me big time for letting him in the van! Oh and he better not-"

Peter's warnings were cut short as Neal slammed the door in his face. "I should be used to this by now," he sighed. As he walked out of the building he saw Parker hanging from the roof, smiling.

"Bye, FBI guy!" she called. He waved and walked away.

"Honey, I'm home," he called as he walked into his house. Elizabeth was sitting on the couch watching TV.

"How was your visit to Neal's?" she asked.

He laughed. "Thieves these days… They're unbelievable. And by unbelievable I mean out-of-their-mind crazy."

**Another A/N: Next chapter, Hardison comes in! Yay! And then I'll actually get to the good part of the storyline- maybe in the same chapter. Who knows? Sorry, I'm having too much fun with this!**


	6. Chapter 6

Parker, Neal, and Mozzie were interrupted early the next morning by a knock on the door. Mozzie managed to look through the peephole for a whole two seconds before Parker shoved him to the side, opened the door, and hugged the man standing on the other side who seemed to enjoy it more than he should. It didn't take more than 5 seconds for Neal to realize that this man had feelings for Parker.

"Damn," Hardison said. "I was plannin' on giving y'all a hard time for making me come all the way out here this early in the morning, but you had to ruin that, too. I'm Hardison" he said to Neal and Mozzie.

"I can tell," Neal smirked. "Parker's told me nothing about you and probably visa versa. I'm Neal. This is Mozzie."

"Dammit Neal," Mozzie whined. "I wanted a code name. Thanks a lot."

"OK…" Hardison said. "Anyways… I did some research on this 'unhackable' system and didn't get much other than cracking some minor codes and whatnot. It is safe to say that I'm impressed, and I'm not easily impressed."

Neal sighed. He knew this job wouldn't be easy, but he had really trusted this guy to get them _something. _"Do you have any good news?"

"Not yet, but I'm working on it," he said. He turned to Parker. "Oh and by the way, you forgot to mention that I'll be sitting in a van with a bunch of FBI agents! I thought they were _renting _me one, not _sharing _one. It's bad enough I have to work on their side now and that Sheila is ruined because of those damn slushee lids, but working in the same small area is even worse."

"I knew you wouldn't come if I told you about that," Parker smiled. "It's not so bad. Peter is a little off, though."

Neal couldn't help but laugh. Peter was the most normal person he knew and Parker was the craziest, so it was a little weird to hear her say that the roles were reversed. "Well we haven't had much luck, either. Hopefully the final briefing today will help us."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Hardison said. "The final briefing? As in, the briefing with FBI dudes in an FBI building surrounded by FBI guards? I don't think so. I agreed to this much, but that's crossing the line."

Parker frowned at him. "Eliot would have made you," she mumbled.

"Well, maybe or maybe not, but Chewbacca isn't here right now so HA," Hardison retaliated, victorious for once.

She stuck out her tongue at him and then remembered what Sophie told her a while ago. "_Men will do almost anything for a girl they like; it all depends on the look."… "What look?" Parker had said. Sophie made her eyes wider and pouted her lips a little. When Parker had tried it, she looked like a fish and Sophie said it needed work._ It was now or never- Parker only had one shot to get this right. She mimicked Sophie as well as she could. At first Neal made a freaked out face at her so she adjusted. Hardison noticed, and his facial expression changed.

"Damn," he said again. "Fine, Parker, but you owe me. And I mean you seriously owe me big time."

"Thanks, Hardison!" she exclaimed. _Success! _she thought- she couldn't wait to tell Sophie!

At FBI headquarters Hardison seemed a little tense. All the FBI 'dudes' seemed to be looking right at him! In reality they weren't but he was paranoid to begin with and it didn't help to be stuck in a room with a bunch of feds.

"So…" Peter said as the three walked into the room. "…if it isn't the computer wiz and the dynamic duo."

Hardison smirked. "You must be Peter. I hear we get to carpool tomorrow. I'll bring the snacks."

"No," Peter replied. "I heard about the slushee incident; if you so much as think about bringing food in the van, you'll find yourself in prison."

Hardison looked at Neal. "You told him about that? Man, what is wrong with everyone- I thought it was just the people I worked with, but they're _everywhere._"

"What's wrong with the people you work with?" Parker asked, not catching on that he was talking about her as well.

"Never mind," he said. He turned to the FBI guys, "So are we gonna do this thing or what," as he plopped into a chair. He got his laptop set up- never left home without it- and brought up the security system schematics. "All I got so far were a few security cameras. Man what is this guy _doing? _There are like a billion lasers too that work on completely different codes. This dude must seriously be paranoid, because-"

His incessant rambling was cut off by Peter. "Point is, can you get Neal and Parker inside?"

Hardison thought for a minute. "Define 'inside'".

"Dammit, Neal," Peter said, annoyed. "I thought these guys were 'the best'" he put bunny ears around the last two words "that they could do anything. You just decide to waltz in here with any criminals you can pick up off the street."

"Whoa, hold up a sec," Hardison interrupted. "I didn't come 4 hours out of my way to be insulted by second class FBI guys who can't even get information without a bunch of criminals. I said define inside, because I can get them in no problem. I can get them to the basement no problem. What I can't do is turn off the weight-sensitive tiles and laser trip wires, because the codes are _in Chinese. _Unless y'all have a Rosetta Stone sitting around here somewhere we're out of luck."

"Hardison, calm down," Parker said. "I can get past those without a problem."

"You can't get around moving lasers and a weight-sensitive floor. Even for you that's impossible," Peter said.

"Not necessarily," Neal said. "Remember that run in Europe, with Archie? That was intense." They both started laughing which confused and angered everyone else in the room.

Peter cleared his voice rather loudly. "That doesn't sound good. I would get some water," Parker said, not realizing it was because of her and Neal.

"Everyone calm down," Neal said. "Jeez, you are all so uptight. Point is, Parker can get through it. She's the best. Just relax. Tomorrow will be a piece of cake."

"Mmmm… Cake," Parker sighed. She dragged Hardison out of the room, "let's go get some!"

Once they were gone, Peter sighed. "For next time, do you know any _normal _thieves? I can't even believe them."

**A/N: Sorry this is really short! I've been really busy lately and have lots of stuff going on. The next chapter will be longer and a lot better! **


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Please read this! I love how I put one of these in every chapter, it's unnecessary but oh well. So I'm writing this very late at night- or early in the morning, whichever way you want to look at it. I think it's safe to say that I pretty much drank my weight in energy drinks and I'm not thinking clearly, which is my excuse for the randomness of this chapter. Thanks for all the awesome people who reviewed, you all made my day! And also thanks to the readers who didn't review, I still love you. Enjoy!**

"Damn, this van smells worse than Sheila," said Hardison as he climbed into the computer area of the van. "And that's saying something. I really wish Sophie was here, 'cause she says _my _van is whiffy. What does that even mean?"

Ignoring him, Peter and Jones climbed into the back of the van as well as two other unimportant people who Hardison didn't recognize. "Are we playing 'let's cram a bunch of people into a tiny space'? I'm claustrophobic. There's like twenty people in this van."

"Well, if you weren't a criminal we wouldn't need twenty extra people in the car to make sure you only do what you're supposed to," Peter said.

This cheered Hardison up. "Oh I get it. You think I'll empty their accounts or make copies of the blueprints. I would never. Scout's honor." He saluted with his left hand.

"Wrong hand," Peter said. The comms went up a few seconds later. "Neal and Parker, are you two in position?"

"Ready" said Neal.

From the van, they could see Parker look around confused. "There are more voices in my head than usual," she muttered.

Hardison sighed. "Parker we can hear you. You're listening to the comms, ok, not ghosts" He then mumbled "for the thousandth time."

Just then they all heard static on their comms. "Hello?" Hardison asked, prepared to kick some ass if it was Chaos again.

"Hardison?" asked a low voice on the other end.

"Eliot?" Hardison asked. "Hey, what's up? Man, these comms are freaking _awesome! _We're like a hundred miles away and I can still hear you!"

"Lucky me," he muttered. Then two more voices came on- a man and a woman.

Once they all established who each other was, Peter decided to butt in as usual. "Who are these people? Let me guess… Are they thieves?" He heard a man and woman say 'yes' while the other man said 'no'.

The man who said no addressed Peter. "This is Nate Ford. What are you doing with two members of my crew?"

"Ah, Mr. Ford, I've wanted to talk with you for a while. I'm Agent Peter Burke. Somehow our… consultant knows Parker which led us to your computer geek" Hardison shook his fist angrily at Peter "I mean computer analyst…?" Hardison nodded approvingly "He's helping the two into a building to get to the vaults for some information."

"Let me get this straight," Nate said. "The FBI is using thieves to break into a building with ties to the government without a warrant? There's so much illegal-ness to that plan that I don't even know where to begin."

Everyone decided to start talking at the same time. Peter and Jones were trying to argue their case, Hardison was laughing and hiccupping because he drank too much orange soda in one gulp, Nate and Sophie were arguing over Paris or something, and Eliot was shouting at them all to shut up. Parker held her head in both hands and moaned "too many voices. Make them stop!"

A few moments later everyone shut up because Hardison 'squelched' the comms. "Works every time," he said smiling.

"If you all don't mind," Peter said "I'd like to get this over with. El and I have a date tonight."

"Same," Hardison agreed. "There's a Doctor Who marathon on tonight that's calling my name." He typed a few things on his computer and said "OK you're clear. Head down the staircase on your right and then turn left. I hacked the keypad for you. You're welcome."

Jones just looked at him. "So do you usually talk to yourself during jobs?"

Hardison sighed. "Of course no one cares that I just _remotely hacked _the best security system money can buy. This is exactly why I have to resort to talking to myself."

"You didn't hack it," Parker said with an evil smile on her face. "I get to beat it."

"Sure," he said. "I do all the hard stuff, someone else takes all the credit."

"Oh," Neal said casually. "So you can avoid moving lasers by doing ninja moves on a pressure activated floor?"

"Hey pretty boy, _no one is talking to you," _said Hardison. "Y'all can't even let me enjoy this epic win on my part. Does _no one _respect the van?" he asked, flailing his arms around the inside of the van.

His right hand managed to hit Jones on the shoulder and slap Peter across the face.

"Watch it!" Peter yelled. He noticed the orange soda that wobbled dangerously on the table before Hardison righted it. "What did I say about drinks in the van?"

"You said I couldn't bring in food. This isn't food; it's a drink. Loopholes for the win!" he exclaimed, pumping his fist which also managed to hit Peter in the face.

"Hit me one more time and see where you end up," Peter threatened. Hardison focused immediately, muttering something about bullies.

He brought up the security cameras and saw Parker and Neal getting ready for the lasers. "Parker from what I can tell- which isn't much, 'cause of all the damn squiggles- the motion tiles only detect 70 or more pounds and only goes off after three seconds of continued weight; I guess it's to prevent false alarms. I know you're good, but it's physically impossible to lose 40 pounds in 4 minutes, no matter what Weight Watchers says." He chuckled at his joke, but when he realized he was the only one he sighed. "A guy can't catch a break."

"We have other plans," Neal said vaguely. "And besides, Weight Watchers is so twenty minutes ago." He nodded to Parker who began her run.

She first did a ninja roll over the first 4 lasers, then two somersaults, a cartwheel, and ended with a backwards flip. The FBI guys, who saw it all from the video feed in the van, gasped. "Wow, she _is _the best," one said.

Parker ended up near the vault. "Be careful," Hardison warned. "The tiles are picking up the weight. You need to keep moving!" Before he could finish, she did a cartwheel which ended in the splits. "Ah, nice," he commented. "Distributing the weight. It's funny how a top of the line security system like this one didn't factor that in. The tiles aren't picking up anything."

She shushed him and then proceeded to 'feel up' (as Eliot puts it) the safe. After 2 minutes, it opened and she grabbed everything. She put it all into her thief bag and then did her flips over the lasers- in reverse and with one hand.

"So, pretty boy," Hardison said. "I didn't see _you- _what was it? Oh yeah- be a ninja and get across those tiles either."

"That's not my job," Neal said, resisting the urge to smack him. "I'm a forger who also dabbles in grifting; she's an all around thief. There's a difference. We somehow have to make it to the top floor without getting caught, which is where I come in. Watch and learn."

Parker put on a doctor's coat over her black attire and Neal put on some snazzy glasses. They walked upstairs and he smiled coolly at the guards' questioning faces. He told them that they forgot something upstairs and showed them identification.

"I never gave you an ID," Hardison said.

Neal smirked and said under his breath so the guards wouldn't hear, "I made it."

The guards let them pass and they made their way to the elevators.

"It feels like cheating," Parker said. "I could have made it to the top without getting caught."

"The CEO is in his office," Neal explained. "The wife kicked him out. I know you're good, but even you can't get past him."

Neal gave excuses to every guard and night shift worker who passed. They all believed him without a doubt and continued with whatever they were doing. "So where did you learn how to grift?" Hardison asked. He could definitely use all the tips he could get- sooner or later he WOULD redeem himself from the Ice Man incident.

"Ah," Neal sighed, reminiscing. "I met an amazing person who I guess you could say inspired me. 2006, the Zanzibar Marketplace; Kiev I believe. It was the accent. And the dress," he explained.

"Hey!" Parker exclaimed. "Sophie was there! Did you meet her?"

Hardison had heard enough. "Oh damn! I do _not _need to hear the rest of this."

Luckily, chit chat was cut short because they were at the right office. Neal took in a deep breath and barged right in the door.

"Excuse me," he said. "This is an _office, _not a dorm correct?" The man sleeping on the mini couch woke up and nodded nervously. "My name is Mr. Adams, and I was brought here to prevent this kind of thing. I don't care if you sleep on the street, you need to leave now." The man grabbed his suitcase and ran out of the office after seeing his ID.

"That'll buy us 20 minutes max," Neal said. "He's going straight to the guards downstairs. And before you say anything Hardison, it's the only thing I could think of that would work."

"Uh oh," Hardison said. There was a flashing red light on his computer. "A silent alarm has been triggered; y'all need to get out of there." No one moved. "Now, dammit!"

"I see the alarm box," Parker said. "I can disable it if- oh crap, it's in Chinese."

"This is one of those times when I regret taking computer forensics instead of Chinese history," Hardison said. Lighting up at a potential idea, he typed something on his computer and they all heard static. "Hey, Eliot, Nate, Sophie, do any of you know Chinese?"

Nate- "I was only there once, chasing Parker, and I had a translator."

Sophie- "A few phrases, but I don't think '_where's the ladies' room'_ and '_hey this painting isn't real'_ will help. Sorry."

Eliot- "All I know is 'are you over 18?'."

"Wow, you three are completely useless," Hardison said ignoring the last comment. He disabled the comms.

"Parker, you get in the air ducts and I'll take the stairs," Neal said. "We need to split up. I'll meet you at the van."

"Y'all need to put some pep in your step, because they are 10 seconds away from the door!" Hardison warned.

Duhn duhn duhn duuuuuuuuuuuhn….


	8. Chapter 8

"Neal!" Peter shouted over the comms. "Where the hell are you?"

All of a sudden the doors burst open showing an out of breath Neal. "Miss me?"

Peter chuckled. "I wouldn't say that; I was just making sure you didn't make a break for it." He motioned towards the anklet.

Hardison was intrigued. "I finally get a chance to see this baby." He whistled. "Damn, that's high tech. If you ever want it off, I gotcho back. The FBI is good, but I'm better."

"Hello?" Peter said. "You do know there are four FBI agents in this van, right? Four FBI agents that would gladly throw you in jail."

"For what?" Hardison countered. "You don't have anything on me."

"Hm, let's see," Peter said sarcastically. "Assaulting a federal agent, for one. We have some of your IDs, so impersonating a federal agent and identity theft. Don't worry, I'll think of more."

Before he could add more, one of the unimportant van-dwellers noticed blinks on a computer screen. "Should we go?" he asked. "The police will be here in about 4 minutes."

"Hm," Hardison said. "That calls for some drastic measures." He played Justin Timberlake and Madonna's song _Four Minutes _and started dancing in his seat. His leg kicked Peter in the shin.

"Stop dancing in the tiny space!" Peter snapped. These thieves were getting on his nerves! "Where's Parker? We shouldn't leave without her, right?"

"I'm right here," said Parker. Everyone jumped at the unexpected voice. "Damn girl!" Hardison said. "How do you _do _that? Seriously, how did we miss her this van is like the smallest thing ever."

"Do what?" is all Parker asked. She was sitting cross-legged on the ground behind the two FBI agents' chairs. They were all curious as to how she got in the doors on the other side of the van and managed to sneak past all of them to her current spot. Neal smiled, remembering the good ole days of Parker's ninja-like habits.

"Three minutes!" the guy yelled. Peter sat himself in the driver's seat and slammed on the accelerator.

It all happened so fast, yet it seemed like it was in slow motion. Hardison saw it first. His eyes grew wide and he yelled "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" in a deep, slow voice like in the movies. Everyone turned to look. He dove out of his seat and across Jones' lap, but he was too late. His precious orange soda fell to the ground, shattering instantly.

Luckily Peter didn't hear the ordeal over the sound of several other cars beeping at him. Hardison was sobbing into his hands. Neal knew this could only end badly for him, so decided to help. "Hardison," he began. "Not to be dramatic, but Peter will kill you once he finds out what happened to the van. I'd run. Now."

Once at a red light, Parker dragged the mourning Hardison out of the van doors and they made a run for it. Hardison was still carrying a few shards of the orange soda glass. He was still shouting "that was my last one!" Neal and the other two watched them run away. Neal couldn't help but sigh and shake his head. That was probably the last he'd see of Parker in quite a while, because knowing Peter's anger management problems he would have a search warrant out on them ASAP. He'd had one of the best times he could remember working with the two quirky thieves, however weird they may be, and it was definitely more entertaining than his usual daily business.

Once they got back to HQ, Peter opened the double doors for them. He looked in the van and frowning, he shouted "dammit, Hardison!"

He pointed at Neal. "You're cleaning this up."

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

"Thanks for coming," Parker said after about twenty minutes of light jogging. "We couldn't have done that without you."

"No problem girl," Hardison said, smiling. He was glad to spend some time alone with her, and knew it was totally worth spilling his last soda for her to thank him. "It was fun, we should do that again," he joked, but realized too late that she took it seriously.

"Yeah! If you want, we can work with Neal again! He confessed that he's not completely legit yet, and there's an art show nearby I was thinking of hitting-"

"Maybe," he said. "Or we can just hang out. You know, us two, not doing anything illegal."

She frowned. "I'm not following you."

"Wanna go play a video game? I have one you'd like- Grand Theft Auto."

"Ooh! Sounds like fun!"

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Neal was exhausted. The long days of planning- and performing- the heist with Parker didn't help, nor did scrubbing the stupid FBI van for twenty minutes. All he wanted to do was sleep, which he was looking forward to as he headed for his room. He heard loud gunshots and louder yelling coming from inside his room, and he got nervous. He opened the door cautiously and took a peek inside. Once he found the cause of the noise, he sighed, straightened up and walked in. "I thought you two were gone," he said.

Parker and Hardison were playing some stupid video game on a huge flat screen TV. Neal had no idea where it came from, and didn't want to. He patiently waited for them to pause the game and reply. "Well we were gonna, but then we saw this huge flat screen in a store window and luckily I bring my XBOX everywhere and we wanted to try this game-"

"OK I get it," Neal said. "Well, Peter and Elizabeth are coming over later. Something's wrong with their cable or whatever. I think they just want an excuse to hang out with me. I mean, who wouldn't want to?"

"Should we leave then?" Parker asked. Neal felt sorry for her, and really wanted her to stay for a little so he said "No, Peter will be less likely to kill you with Elizabeth here. It's all good."

"Cool," she said, smiling.

**A/N: This took a while and is extremely short I'm sorry! But you know how it is, school just started, along with band and cross country practices and driving classes (almost done!) time gets a little scarce. There will probably be a few more chapters, let me know what you think. If its getting too long, let me know and I'll stop.**


	9. Chapter 9 LAST CHAPTER

A few hours before Peter and Elizabeth were coming over, Neal decided to call and warn him about his other company.

"What do you mean, they didn't leave yet?" Peter complained. "Wow, I'm really losing my touch here. Is no one afraid of me anymore?"

_Can't lose what you never had _Neal thought. "Don't worry, there's loads of thieves out there that won't come by because of you," he said sarcastically.

"Hell yeah there are," Peter said, in a good mood once again. Neal sighed, said goodbye, and hung up. This was going to be a long night.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

The door rang at exactly six o'clock. Neal got up from the couch, surprised to have company that didn't barge in any time they felt like it. He was watching Hardison try to do a card trick for Parker, but failing every time because she stole the card. It was quite entertaining.

"Why, hello," Neal said, actually in a good mood. "Elizabeth you look lovely. I should probably warn you that my other company is, well-"

"Peter told me," she said. "But I doubt it's as bad as he says. He tends to exaggerate everything."

"It's worse," Neal said. "Just, go along with them. At the least, it's good entertainment for the night. I know Parker from a while back and she's not all there, but she's really a great person. Except for the thieving and stuff, but hey everyone has their flaws."

"Ah, Peter forgot to mention the thief part. Is the man also a thief?"

"Yeah. Parker and Hardison. Before you ask, Parker is her only name and Hardison is his last name. I hear their whole team has name issues…" Neal trailed off (thinking of Sophie) and headed to the kitchen. Peter and Elizabeth looked at each other, shrugged, and let themselves in.

"Hey yo, it's the FBI guy!" Hardison said. "And Mrs. FBI guy. What's up? Sorry about the little accident earlier. But it wouldn't have happened if you didn't feel the need to go from 0 to 60 in 3 seconds. Just sayin'."

"I don't want to talk about that," Peter said for two reasons: 1, he didn't need to revisualize all the spilt soda and 2, he didn't tell Elizabeth that he was working with even more thieves.

Elizabeth introduced herself, but the thieves already lost interest. They went back to their card games. "Ok Parker, take a card and PUT IT BACK. Do NOT steal it this time, got it?" she nodded and took the card. She put it in the middle of the deck and Hardison shuffled. He threw all the cards on the ground except for the queen of hearts. "That's your card," he said. She shook her head no and took out the ace of spades from her pocket.

"This is!" she exclaimed. She threw it at him and shouted "You lose! I'm good at this game!"

"It's not a game! Dammit Parker," Hardison sighed, rubbing his temples. He really wished Sophie was here to teach her about normal stuff, her craziness was cute but getting old really fast.

"So, Peter, what's wrong with the house this time?" Neal said. He decided to play along for the time being.

When they managed to pull their eyes away from the two thieves, Elizabeth and him spoke simultaneously; he said the house flooded while she said the power was out. Hardison laughed. Parker was confused.

"Are you sure it isn't haunted?" she asked. She was completely serious.

Once Elizabeth realized her question was legit, she tried to answer, "Oh, um, I don't think so." Parker shrugged and went to help Neal.

As soon as she left, someone's phone started ringing. Peter and Elizabeth immediately checked theirs, but it was the home phone. Hardison picked up.

"Thieves R Us, Hardison speaking," he said. His side of the conversation went like this: "Nate, how in the hell did you get this number? … We're having a dinner party… No, that wasn't sarcastic… The FBI guy is here… Seriously, we're gone 2 days and Eliot gets captured by the mob. We're not even working a con!... Why can't _you_ do something, we're having a swell time… Chewbacca can deal on his own!... Fine. Dammit."

"Who's Nate?" whispered Elizabeth. She was completely lost trying to figure out what the conversation was about.

"Honestly, I have no clue" said Peter. He really didn't know. "I'm more curious about this Eliot guy."

Hardison hung up and yelled for Parker. "Yo, Parker! Eliot needs us we gotta go. I guess we're the only two people on the team that can actually _do something _other than sit around drinking beer or go shopping all day."

She frowned. "But Neal's teaching me how to cook spaghetti."

"Seriously? The mob captured Eliot and all you care about is Italian cuisine, we gotta go! Eliot can teach you later, cause he's gonna owe us big time after this," Hardison smiled thinking about all the favors Eliot is going to have to do to make it up.

"Fine. This sucks," she mumbled. She hugged Neal good bye and waved at Elizabeth and Peter. "Bye FBI guy and person I don't know. We should steal stuff again!" she said to Peter and Neal. "If you're ever up to it, call me. I know some places."

They left, Hardison practically dragging her out the room warning her about talking to FBI people. It reminded Elizabeth of telling a little kid not to talk to strangers. She started laughing.

"Before you say anything," Peter tried to explain, "I didn't steal anything. The FBI needed valuable information and asked her for help." Once he saw she didn't buy it, he tried another approach. "Besides, Neal and Parker stole it! I was in the van the whole time."

"Sure," Elizabeth said, patting his leg. She decided to humor him, even though she knew the truth. He secretly liked working with thieves.

**A/N: This is probably the last chapter. I really couldn't write any more, you writers know how it is **** I didn't want to stretch it out any more than I already did. Thanks for all the people who reviewed, you are all awesome! And you're all the reason why I kept writing. I'll hopefully be writing more in the near future. So yeah, thanks for reading!**


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